Hello Welcome to Lock's news, Today in central Wellington an Old Man was found buried head first in Ms. Alibi's garden this afternoon, she rang the police immediately once she remembered she didn't plant any human legs. The old man actually died before he was buried and forensics revealed he drowned of diahorrea, it's suspected that an offender grabbed the man's head and let loose inside the victim's mouth essentially flooding his lungs with feces. Chief Officer Brady had this to say. "Yes this really is a shit way to die." Brady got sent home without pay for making that statement.
Onto the weather there will be severe wind from the depths of my anus which is expected to erupt shortly. Another eruption is imminent a volcaneo much larger than Mt Everest called Penis Peak is said to go off within days, the natives who live below in the Pubic Forest are being evacuated as swiftly as possible. Short bursts of white sticky magma has already seaped out of the mountain and wiped out two villagers.
In sports a Brazillian soccer commentator is still yelling that a goal has been scored by his country, his head blew off his neck and the players proceeded to kick his head around the field.
And that's all we have for tonight join me tommorow have a goodnight.